Category: Poems

fool for love, full of love

On By kaylanIn Poems, WritingLeave a comment

as a single seventeen-year-old, i don’t know much about love

but i do know enough to

know that it hurts

help others love

but i know for a fact that

i’m going to love you so much

angel,

if you hear a ping! from your phone

it’s probably me

sending you a song that reminds me of us

expressing how proud of you i am

but most of all, it’s probably me

telling you how much i love you

(will you smile when you hear your phone go off?

roll your eyes in faux exasperation?)

baby,

if you feel a warm weight from behind

it’s probably me

hugging onto you so tightly

resting my head on your shoulder

but most of all, it’s probably me

reminding you how much you comfort me

(will you hold me in your arms?

let me bury my heard in the crook of your neck?)

darling,

if you taste something sweet in your mouth

it’s probably me

gifting you a box of your favorite chocolates

shoving a freshly baked cookie into your mouth

but most of all, it’s probably me

kissing you after i swipe some cookie dough from the bowl

(will you surprise me with a gift of your own?

fret about getting sick from the raw eggs?)

honey,

if you smell something familiar from the kitchen

it’s probably me

brewing you a cup of coffee with two sugar cubes and a dollop of cream

(just how you like it)

fixing both of us a boxed lunch for the long day ahead

but most of all, it’s probably me

bustling about the kitchen with the scent of your shampoo and body wash

(will you take the knife from me oh so gently to cut the carrots?

have picked up my dry cleaned suit that i forgot to yesterday?)

sweetheart,

if you see nothing but darkness enveloping you

it’s probably me

blindfolding you to take you out on a surprise date

showing you the tiny stars up in the night sky

but most of all, it’s probably me

sleeping softly next to you

(will you enjoy the tranquility of the night?

say something cheesy, like how “there’s light when i’m with you”?)

as a single seventeen-year-old, the present seems so bleak

i often feel empty as the days drag longer

but i’m constantly reminded by the prospect of you

oh, i’m going to love you so much, love

– kaylan so

03.04.2021

decorated decorum

On By kaylanIn Poems, WritingLeave a comment

when you ask

my palms are empty but bleeding

i have absolutely nothing to show

but no matter how many drops of

blood from my cracked skin

sweat from my overheating hairline

tears from my swollen eyes

slip through my fingers

it’s not enough to

intertwine to create numerous graduation cords

fold in itself to sew stoles

flatten out to type out an acceptance letter

with a bare neck and much cheaper tuition bill in hand

i walk the stage

i know i

smile because it’s decorum, not because i

believe

liberty or death

On By kaylanIn Poems, Writing1 Comment

don’t wrap me in blankets with false

gentle touches, only to eventually

smother me as i thrash under you.

(but rather, embrace me in your

warmth as we lay curled like two

parentheses.)

don’t smile at me with teeth when

the light doesn’t quite reach you

usually expressive eyes.

(but rather, speak to me softly, or

don’t speak to me at all. i just want

a fond gaze in my direction.)

don’t tread on me.

(but rather, treat me like how you

treat the american flag.)

k.s.

state of limbo

On By kaylanIn Poems, Writing1 Comment

in this exact moment,

i am breathing the recycled air of my cage

but i also find myself

in the exact middle

i often catch myself

reminiscing over

the student of the week poster

from second grade,

the special edition books i

collected as i grew up;

missing

the little girl who giggled about

everything the sun touched,

the young student who enjoyed

living

(i often wish i can go back in t—)

i often catch myself

anticipating

the independence that comes

with leaving my home cage,

the metamorphic change

i will experience;

fearing that

i’m not competent

enough by myself,

i’m just not enough

(i often wish i can go leap forward into the f—)

in this exact moment,

i am breathing the recycled air of my cage

but i am also living in the moment

in the exact middle

k.s.

(to be) freed

On By kaylanIn Poems, Writing1 Comment

Title Stylized as: (to be) freud freed

i. id

it’s hard to see the clear outlines of my fists

but is it because i can’t see through the tears that seem to

blur the world

more often as i realize

or is it because of the

anger

how dare they?

shame

do not let it get to you.

it’s just a passing feeling.

fear

there’s nothing to fear when we’re here.

there’s nothing to fear when we’re here.

disgust

they’re monsters.

…

(or is it you?)

i

i want

i want to

i want to feel

i want to feel something,

anything.

now.

Now.

N O W.

ii. superego

but it’s a mess we don’t want to untangle

you’re shoving them away again.

a mess, ages old that’s best remained tangled and forgotten

until it chokes us.

i’ll be okay.

we’re okay.

iii. ego

not now

but soon. 🙂

…

…

k.s.